Where's My Fairytale?

I just finished watching Enchanted, and realized again why its (almost) my favorite movie. My heart aches, but it isn't entirely unpleasant. I just wish life could be like in that movie- so sweet, and bright, and... fun. I wish I had more energy. I feel like, if I could just get over feeling so tired and wasted so often, I could get so much more living done! I love school, I love my friends, and I love my life- except for being tired.

I want more life. I want more friends; I want to write and not worry about saving energy for homework; I want to go for a drive, and not worry about being too tired to make it home; I want to sit outside and sketch that beautiful cherry blossom tree that's dying; I want to be happy again, and not just when my medication is working. I want to have the energy level of a ninteen-year-old.

I want more life. I'm sure if I had it... I could make it as sweet as it is for a girl who fell from Andalasia and landed in New York.

Thoughts on Not Thinking

I have discovered that I love sleep.

Okay, I kind of knew that. I mean, I sleep all the time. But today, I really slept all day. I went to bed at eleven last night and didn't get up until one o clock. And then I slept from three-thirty until five thirty. Some people may call this an unhealthy obsession. I would have to agree with them.

I think I may have figured out why. It may be because, while I'm sleeping, I don't have to worry about anything. Not college, not the future, not what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. I'm just blissfully unaware. Add to that the fact that I have very vivid dreams (often featuring my current celebrity crush in my favorite role) and its no wonder I never want to get up. I'm living great. But, see, there lies the problem.

I'm not living. I'm existing in a half-state between the reality I want and the reality I need to be making. So starting now, I will sleep less. I will exist. I will do more than exist, I will live.

Even if it means less time with Johnathon Schaech.