I just checked my bank account and... its kind of empty. No, actually, its not really EMPTY- empty implies that if you put something inside, it will no longer be empty. My account's a black hole. Its fifty dollars in the negative.
Mom is going to be so disappointed. This is the third time I've done this, and every time, she's been really good about it, but she worries a lot. A LOT. And I can't believe I just made it worse. I feel like the lowest, most vile creature to crawl the earth.
I'm going to sleep for a while...
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Crazy Has Landed
Rebecca's parents totally exiled me from there lives today. Which has happened before, of course. I mean, to them, I am a lesbian wiccan with a vampire fetish. (I'm not, of course- quite the opposite, actually. Except the vampire thing. But its not a fetish.) This time, though, I think its kind of permanent. Because this time, her dad and my mom were involved, and as far as I can remember, that's never happened before.
God, this sucks! I just wanted to spend a weekend with my friend! But then I had to bring that stupid Night World book... ugh. Anyway, her mom went through my bags, and found that book and one I got back from Rebecca, and she totally flipped out. She took my books, and told Bekah that she wouldn't give them back to me; she was going to give them to my mom. And of course, my mom was totally, absolutely livid about it, and you bet she went over there to talk to them about it. And she um... she kind of lost it. I've never seen her so angry in my entire life.
She started out on Billly (Beca's dad), who lied right to her face and said he didn't know anything about it with ME STANDING RIGHT THERE and said she should talk to Laura, who was in the shower. My mom wouldn't take it from him, though, so he went and got her. So then my mom tells Laura how sick it makes her that Laura went through her adult daughter's bag (that would be mine) and that if she had a problem with something, she should have come and talked to me about it. But Laura says, "I want to ask you though, do you know what kind of books your daughter is reading?" My mom says of course she knows, and she trusts me.
So then Laura tells my mom that she's evil and she wants us out of the house. She actually said, "You're evil- I want you out of my house."
My mom was so pissed that she reminded Laura that she has a son living with his pregnant teenage girlfriend, who, by the way, does drugs, and stole some prescription medications from the same, above-mentioned adult daughter (which Laura admits). And that my mother has seen Laura's "pharmacy" herself and knows that Laura has been high and hallucinating when my sister and I were over (which she also admits to). But we're evil, and we need to get out of her house. Oh, and by the way, she's not on her bi-polar medication anymore, and maybe my mom needs to get off of hers. But my mom says she's worked with people like Laura before.
Most of this on the way out the door, and somewhere in the middle there, I was finally able to cut in and vouch for myself. "You judged those books by what you saw on the cover; did you even read them? Because if you did, you'd know they're not evil." But she tells me they're evil and she doesn't want Beca reading them. So I remind her that I bought Rebekah a book they would let her read, but her mother still took it, because she thought it was transgendered.
(It was Airhead by Meg Cabot- look it up if you want to know why that is so utterly ridiculous.)
So she spit at me that she doesn't want me buying her daughter any more books (even though that's the first one I've ever bought her- she borrowed the other ones, half of which, might I add, her mother burned- why did I keep letting her borrow them? Because no one should ever be denied the chance to read), and we leave.
So then her parents took her out to lunch and bought her a rabbit.
I do not understand what's going on. I thought I'd finally gotten my life back together, after the whole mom's-a-drunk thing, and the I'm-so-sick-I-want-to-die thing, but now one of the two best (and only) friends I have is never allowed to see me again. What did I do?? I just don't get it! I tried so hard to make her parents happy and now... Argh. I am just SO MAD.
I'll have to continue later. I can hardly type.
God, this sucks! I just wanted to spend a weekend with my friend! But then I had to bring that stupid Night World book... ugh. Anyway, her mom went through my bags, and found that book and one I got back from Rebecca, and she totally flipped out. She took my books, and told Bekah that she wouldn't give them back to me; she was going to give them to my mom. And of course, my mom was totally, absolutely livid about it, and you bet she went over there to talk to them about it. And she um... she kind of lost it. I've never seen her so angry in my entire life.
She started out on Billly (Beca's dad), who lied right to her face and said he didn't know anything about it with ME STANDING RIGHT THERE and said she should talk to Laura, who was in the shower. My mom wouldn't take it from him, though, so he went and got her. So then my mom tells Laura how sick it makes her that Laura went through her adult daughter's bag (that would be mine) and that if she had a problem with something, she should have come and talked to me about it. But Laura says, "I want to ask you though, do you know what kind of books your daughter is reading?" My mom says of course she knows, and she trusts me.
So then Laura tells my mom that she's evil and she wants us out of the house. She actually said, "You're evil- I want you out of my house."
My mom was so pissed that she reminded Laura that she has a son living with his pregnant teenage girlfriend, who, by the way, does drugs, and stole some prescription medications from the same, above-mentioned adult daughter (which Laura admits). And that my mother has seen Laura's "pharmacy" herself and knows that Laura has been high and hallucinating when my sister and I were over (which she also admits to). But we're evil, and we need to get out of her house. Oh, and by the way, she's not on her bi-polar medication anymore, and maybe my mom needs to get off of hers. But my mom says she's worked with people like Laura before.
Most of this on the way out the door, and somewhere in the middle there, I was finally able to cut in and vouch for myself. "You judged those books by what you saw on the cover; did you even read them? Because if you did, you'd know they're not evil." But she tells me they're evil and she doesn't want Beca reading them. So I remind her that I bought Rebekah a book they would let her read, but her mother still took it, because she thought it was transgendered.
(It was Airhead by Meg Cabot- look it up if you want to know why that is so utterly ridiculous.)
So she spit at me that she doesn't want me buying her daughter any more books (even though that's the first one I've ever bought her- she borrowed the other ones, half of which, might I add, her mother burned- why did I keep letting her borrow them? Because no one should ever be denied the chance to read), and we leave.
So then her parents took her out to lunch and bought her a rabbit.
I do not understand what's going on. I thought I'd finally gotten my life back together, after the whole mom's-a-drunk thing, and the I'm-so-sick-I-want-to-die thing, but now one of the two best (and only) friends I have is never allowed to see me again. What did I do?? I just don't get it! I tried so hard to make her parents happy and now... Argh. I am just SO MAD.
I'll have to continue later. I can hardly type.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Where's My Fairytale?
I just finished watching Enchanted, and realized again why its (almost) my favorite movie. My heart aches, but it isn't entirely unpleasant. I just wish life could be like in that movie- so sweet, and bright, and... fun. I wish I had more energy. I feel like, if I could just get over feeling so tired and wasted so often, I could get so much more living done! I love school, I love my friends, and I love my life- except for being tired.
I want more life. I want more friends; I want to write and not worry about saving energy for homework; I want to go for a drive, and not worry about being too tired to make it home; I want to sit outside and sketch that beautiful cherry blossom tree that's dying; I want to be happy again, and not just when my medication is working. I want to have the energy level of a ninteen-year-old.
I want more life. I'm sure if I had it... I could make it as sweet as it is for a girl who fell from Andalasia and landed in New York.
I want more life. I want more friends; I want to write and not worry about saving energy for homework; I want to go for a drive, and not worry about being too tired to make it home; I want to sit outside and sketch that beautiful cherry blossom tree that's dying; I want to be happy again, and not just when my medication is working. I want to have the energy level of a ninteen-year-old.
I want more life. I'm sure if I had it... I could make it as sweet as it is for a girl who fell from Andalasia and landed in New York.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Hiccuping Vampires
Did anyone notice that its like impossible to find a decent vampire film nowadays? What happened to the ones with romance in them? But like, the slightly twisted romance, like in Dracula 2000? Or even better, Queen of the Damned. Am I even making sense to anyone?
I have had the hiccups for three days. I am not exaggerating. My ribs and my shoulders are so sore, I wince with every jolt. If been popping ibuprofen in a mad frenzy, but it still hurts.
In other news, my best and I went to this little place on the water I've been wanting to go to forever. Its called Harbor Lights. Its very quaint and old-fashioned and not at all trendy. I love it. They have the best cod and chips I've ever tasted. Which makes me realize, I have not eaten yet today and I am STARVING.
I'll update later. I think. I hope.
I have had the hiccups for three days. I am not exaggerating. My ribs and my shoulders are so sore, I wince with every jolt. If been popping ibuprofen in a mad frenzy, but it still hurts.
In other news, my best and I went to this little place on the water I've been wanting to go to forever. Its called Harbor Lights. Its very quaint and old-fashioned and not at all trendy. I love it. They have the best cod and chips I've ever tasted. Which makes me realize, I have not eaten yet today and I am STARVING.
I'll update later. I think. I hope.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Thoughts on Not Thinking
I have discovered that I love sleep.
Okay, I kind of knew that. I mean, I sleep all the time. But today, I really slept all day. I went to bed at eleven last night and didn't get up until one o clock. And then I slept from three-thirty until five thirty. Some people may call this an unhealthy obsession. I would have to agree with them.
I think I may have figured out why. It may be because, while I'm sleeping, I don't have to worry about anything. Not college, not the future, not what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. I'm just blissfully unaware. Add to that the fact that I have very vivid dreams (often featuring my current celebrity crush in my favorite role) and its no wonder I never want to get up. I'm living great. But, see, there lies the problem.
I'm not living. I'm existing in a half-state between the reality I want and the reality I need to be making. So starting now, I will sleep less. I will exist. I will do more than exist, I will live.
Even if it means less time with Johnathon Schaech.
Okay, I kind of knew that. I mean, I sleep all the time. But today, I really slept all day. I went to bed at eleven last night and didn't get up until one o clock. And then I slept from three-thirty until five thirty. Some people may call this an unhealthy obsession. I would have to agree with them.
I think I may have figured out why. It may be because, while I'm sleeping, I don't have to worry about anything. Not college, not the future, not what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. I'm just blissfully unaware. Add to that the fact that I have very vivid dreams (often featuring my current celebrity crush in my favorite role) and its no wonder I never want to get up. I'm living great. But, see, there lies the problem.
I'm not living. I'm existing in a half-state between the reality I want and the reality I need to be making. So starting now, I will sleep less. I will exist. I will do more than exist, I will live.
Even if it means less time with Johnathon Schaech.
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